Damnaliens DVD Review by Steve Sawicki
Note: order the films from Amazon by following the hyperlinks to buy  junk food for the aliens and keep them away from the dog.)

Recent Releases    /    Classics    /    SFTV    /     Anime

Valentine day is arriving, here, or just gone depending on when you’re reading this.  If you’ve got a honey then you should know that honey’s like nothing better than a good, quality dvd for any major occasion.  Don’t believe all those lies about diamonds, chocolate or back rubs.  It’s nothing but prevaricated propaganda perpetuated by the proletarian neo-paganist preservers of our market economy.  Take it from me, you can’t go wrong getting your honey a spiffy, new dvd.  For those of you without a honey dvd’s make wonderful companions and you should never be without one.  Which one?  Read and find out.

Recent Releases -  Hollywood tends to go on vacation from late December...

... through March so there’s not much in the way of good, new releases.  I’m convinced that they actually still make genre films just that they only release them in months with a mean average temperature higher than 73.  That’s why I’m stretching to include, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, the fifth movie in Kevin Smith’s New Jersey Trilogy.  I’m including it here because of all the Star Wars references.  Otherwise it’s nothing more than a stream of consciousness collection of dumb jokes, in-jokes, gay jokes and site gags.  The plot is simply stupid and the acting is not much better.  Not funny enough to get your honey laughing which is a good thing because laughing honeys are the most difficult to wrangle.

Classics - How much time must pass before something becomes a classic?  

Well in the world of hollywood where movies are released one month, hit the second run houses three weeks later, hit tv and dvd release four months after that the answer is seven months.  The Dark Crystal  is much older than that and recalls a day when muppets were men and men were evil.  An interesting movie for the creature creation.  Not much of a plot and not much to look at nowadays although the muppets are still pretty amazing.  Another plus is that these muppets aren’t really cute so you’ll have no competition with your honey.

If your honey likes cheesy acting, bad plots, terrible sets and lots of nasty looking creatures dripping with gore then this is definitely the dvd to get. Zombie is an older flick (1980) and is done by the same director who did Suspiria (which should have been plenty of warning).  A lousy Romero knockoff.  Might make your honey slide closer to you though.

SFTV - "Turn off the TV and talk to your honey, cause there's nothin on - not on DVD" 

Space 1999 set 5 continues the series which started when the moon suddenly got blown out of orbit.  This massive force, which managed to move the moon but not destroy it, also managed to scramble all the brains of those who were on it which explains why they didn’t immediately get rescued or escape.  Everything was downhill from there. Nostalgia.  A great make out flick because absolutely no honey will really want to watch it for very long.

Anime - Finally! More Giant Robots and Other Good Stuff!

They’re bigger! They’re mechier!  They’re Techier!  They’re Mumblier!   Robotech, The New Generation, Legacy Collection 6 continues the fine tradition of taking Japanese Anime and making it American (which generally means dumbing it way down and getting rid of most of the cultural references).  This collectors edition includes “The Next Wave” as well as “Counter Strike.”  The discs also include the sixth installment of the “Elements of Robotechnology” extras series.  This is supposed to be the final phase so take this opportunity to say goodbye to the big mumbling lugs.  A great opportunity to whisper your own dialogue into your honey’s ear.

We’ve waited a long time for this one.  It looked visually stunning in the stills and the few video clips we saw.  If only the warehouse had burned and all the copies had been destroyed. Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust comes so close to being excellent that it’s painful.  It’s also downright bloody and gruesome which is why it was released around valentine’s day.  A real mix of animation styles that detracts from the weak and confusing plot.

When is a thing better than a thing?  When those who do the second thing get to watch how badly the first thing was done.  Marriage is a good example of that.  Or maybe not since there are rarely enough weapons involved.  Roughnecks - The Starship Troopers Chronicles - The Hydora Campaign does Starship Troopers much better than the movie.  The computer generated visuals are a bit jarring at times and they still can’t do people very good but the aliens are great and the stories are actually pretty interesting.  Best for you honeyless individuals because it’s actually worth watching.