Note: order the films from Amazon by following the hyperlinks to buy junk food for the aliens and keep them away from the dog.) Steve seems to be a bit crankier than usual this month. It might be because I wouldn't buy him a ticket to go to Cannes, and rub shoulders with movie moguls and suntans with starlets. Want a second opinion? We suggest www.imdb.com - Ernest
Recent Releases / Classics / SFTV / Anime
Recent
Releases
As if directors weren’t
playing fast and loose too much anyway with history and story they’ve started to
play with soundtracks as well. Some genius, and I bet he’s not French and I
won’t be the one to name him, although if I did it would probably be Brian
Helgeland, decides that the ultimate thing to do is to add a modern soundtrack
to a medieval story.
A Knight’s Tale,
gives us warped history, some pretty awful acting and music by Queen, among
others. The story isn’t half bad, assuming you can avoid the huge plot holes
and idiot script.
Just when you thought it
was safe to stay home and watch dvds this flick comes out.
Outbreak,
is a near future plague movie with Dustin Hoffman. It’s made more interesting
because of it’s timely subject. Otherwise it might have lingered as a video
only release for another 10 years. Intriguingly shot and directed, this flick
will seem much better three or four years after you’ve seen it than immediately
after, especially if you’re in France, say on the Riviera.
Sometimes you just need to
turn the volume off and look at the pretty pictures. Sort of like lying on the
beach in France.
Mission To Mars,
provides another opportunity to do this with its incredibly stupid dialogue,
inane plot and weird pacing. How do the actors manage to keep straight faces?
Maybe Hitchcock was right? Mooooo!! It’s been said that this movie was made
for and best enjoyed by eight year olds. Frankly, I wouldn’t insult an eight
year old by making such a comparison. Maybe they were thinking of two four year
olds who would simply enjoy the colors and motion and not really have to focus
on the fact that these things are supposed to make some kind of sense or at
least play by the rules we know of like gravity and logic.
If I were, say, in France,
and I wanted to go see a sporting event, it surely would not be
Rollerball .
While I am sure the French play a mean game of Rollerball, I’m pretty sure they
would protest the way they show the game being played in the movie. I mean,
please, can you imagine any sport being so corrupt or controlled as to allow
such shenanigans? This movie makes Running man seem like something that’s very
possible. Not a single thing in this flick worth taking notice of. They should
have put the writers, directors, producers and crew on the track with
wolverines. Now that would have made an interesting movie.
Sometimes flicks should
stay in the big vault in France where they’re stored. Hollywood doesn’t work
that way though and they’ll do anything to separate you from another drachma.
Just look at that Clone movie. Well, with Spiderman crawling all over the
theaters it was only a matter of time before all the other comic based heroes
got dragged into duty.
Vampirella,
should have been left alone. There is absolutely nothing, and this is hard to
say for a character who’s supposed to be attractive and run around in a skimpy
costume, and I repeat, nothing redeeming about this film. The plot is stupid,
the dialogue is atrocious and the acting is, well, French high school students
imitating Jerry Lewis would win Oscars in comparison.
I was thinking about France
and my ‘to see’ list the other day--LeMan, the French Gran Prix, Cannes,
Vampire/Stripper movies--and figured I could scratch the latter off my list.
Well, I thought too soon.
To Sleep With A Vampire,
popped onto my radar screen and showed my just how wrong I was. Sure it’s got
blood and nudity but it takes more than those two wonderful things to make a
film. Yes, it’s dark and brooding and there is that tender scene where the
vampire rests his fanged head on the softly rising bosom of the stripper but
there’s not nearly enough of this to carry this thing through to the end. It’s
sadly anemic.
Back when we were ignorant,
and living in France, we thought Venus was a cloud covered paradise inhabited by
babes in bikinis and the occasional monster.
20 Million Miles
To Earth, does
nothing to dissuade us of this. Well, except that there are no bikini babes in
this flick. What you do get is some great Harryhausen miniature work as the
thing from Venus rampages through Italy. Hey, a two in one, monsters from Venus
and Italy destroyed. Not much of a plot but you can’t beat when they decide to
bring in the big equipment to handle the beast. That’s right, there’s elephants
in this movie too. A real gem of a classic and a must see.
SFTV -
Television has made
somewhat of a revival in the genre, the Star Trek series notwithstanding.
“Dammit Jim, Je suis un Doctor, not
ze Frenchman.” Much of the revival can be tracked
to a small blond haired girl with a wicked right cross.
Buffy The Vampire
Slayer; The Complete Second Season,
will allow you to gaze in wonder at what episodic television should be like.
Ignore those other, weak shows, which are either just not French enough or
Enterprising enough and get this dvd. It’ll allow you to pop an episode in
anytime you want so you won’t be caught with nothing good to look at.
(I can't believe Steve passed up a garlic joke as long as he's on about the
French.)
He’s the new pretty boy and
the show avoids the whole fact that he’s got super powers, sort of.
Smallville,
The Pilot Episode,
will allow those of you who missed it, and I’m betting there’s a bunch of you
and you couldn’t have all been in France at the same time, to catch up. The
pilot’s pretty good as pilots go although if you’ve followed the series it’s a
bit disconcerting to go back in time that way. If you’ve only caught an episode
or two and are captivated then this is just the thing for you.
Two potent forces are
locked in an epic battle which is a good thing because if only one of them were
impotent who could tell what would happen.
Soul Hunter: City Of Fire, Vol 5,
continues the soul hunter story. This ones got everything; immortals, twisted
magic, north versus south and princesses. Okay, there’s not a giant robot in
sight but you can’t expect the big boys to be mumbling about everywhere, can
you? I mean they do get vacations. And I bet they go to Greece (I just don’t
think they’d enjoy France.)
-- Steve Sawicki
The aliens are loose!! Read
Steve's novella, "Invisible Friends," in the Spring 2001 issue of
ABSOLUTE MAGNITUDE (http://www.dnapublications.com),
make plans to read his column FAR HAZE AND DISTANT THUNDER, the best short
fiction review column on the planet, appearing monthly in SCIENCE FICTION
CHRONICLE (http://www.dnapublications.com),
and while you're at it check out his short story, "Call Me Tandeleho,"
appearing in the current issue of Transversions (http://www.salmar.com/transversions/)
Order copies today!!
For more insight, visit Steve's web page: (http://www.geocities.com/soho/lofts/5240)
© 2002 Ernest Lilley / SFRevu