Recent Releases  - If, on the first day of Christmas, your true love gives to you The Adventures Of Pluto Nash, you should be amazed at their ability to get a copy of a flick that was in the theaters just a few, short weeks ago.  On the other hand you will want to strongly question the taste of your true love for giving you such a dog.  I mean, after all, this thing sat on the studio shelves for over two years before they finally decided to release it.   On the third hand, it is only the first day and tradition would have them simply giving you the bird.

If, on the second day of Christmas, your true love gives you Minority Report, then things are beginning to look up.  This Tom Cruise vehicle suffers from a couple of missteps, most notably in the writing and logic department.  It’s the holidays though and you’ll probably be full of eggnog or some other drink full of alcohol so you’re likely not to notice.  I don’t know if Phil Dick would be proud of this or not.  He was a bit of an eggnogger himself you know.  Still, it’s an interesting, if dark, future to visit for a brief time so go ahead and chalk this on in the plus column.  And remember, the tradition on this requires getting the bird not once but twice.

If, on the third day of Christmas your true loves gives to you Lilo & Stitch, you had better hope you’re a lover of Disney animation, otherwise this is probably a comment on your mental ability or your comprehension level.  This new age cartoon features surfing, protagonist characters that are significantly non-white, and an alien that looks like a cross between a cat, a dog and a small koala.  It’s got warmth, a deep message about values and some humor, assuming you care about those kind of things this time of year.  And remember, tradition requires a triple on getting the bird, although granted it’s the French bird so it uses different fingers.  (I’m sure there were other animals around then.  What would have been so bad about getting three little pigs instead?  Or bears, what about bears?)

If on the fourth day of Christmas, your true love gives you Halloween-The Resurrection, you had better do some soul searching.  Better do some house searching as well.  Look for acid, thick rubber gloves and sharp knives.  This reincarnation of the Halloween saga returns to the scene of the crime as six young adults are enticed back to the Myers house to spend the night there as part of a reality television show.  An interesting premise although treated a bit blandly by the director.  At least it’s better than what tradition requires, which would be four birds.

Classics - If, on the fifth day of Christmas, your true love gives to you Attack of the Crab Monsters, it’s time for some serious pondering concerning the relationship.  After all, tradition requires five gold rings, not some cheesy, grade B movie transferred to disk.  Sure it’s got giant crabs roaming the beaches creating mayhem and eating the occasional surf bum but it’s just not the same.  Still, I suppose you could do worse.  You could get more birds.

If, on the sixth day of Christmas, your true love gives you The Day Of The Triffids, you should consider yourself on the plus side of the equation.  Getting this SF classic, originally penned by John Wyndham, is excellent.  The story is interesting, it’s well acted and the direction is quite good as well.  Comparable to War of the Worlds but done on a much cheaper budget.  Much better than getting six birds, even if they are laying.

If, on the seventh day of Christmas, your true love gives to you Bride of the Gorilla, you’re slipping back into the dog house.  Even with the strange hideous experiments being performed on this island, and the blonde bombshell who marries a murdering plantation foreman, and the maid who resorts to hoo doo for revenge, it’s a toss up as to whether this is better or even comparable to those seven geese swimming about.