Review by the Damnaliens
Another month and another holiday! By the end of this millennium you Earthers will not have a free day available. And to top it off you are very indecisive about this one. Are you celebrating starving yourselves? Are you in rapture about the little illuminated fat man standing out in the snow? Is it fire? (Which would explain all those candles.) Is it the old witch woman you want to visit you? Or is it something else entirely. And please, pick one day and stick with it. We’d also like to ask about the fascination with deer and about the vampire snowmen but we’re afraid you’d actually answer us.
We’ve been waiting for you to run out of movies to remake, hoping to be able to watch some of this vaunted creativity you go on and on and on about. We waited and waited and just when we thought you were done, you decided to start making movies based on games and rides. Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl is based on the ride at Disneyworld which was based on the ride at Disneyland which was stolen by your Disney mouse person from Ahab the sailor’s Merchant Marineland. We can hardly wait for the book. Ah well, in the effort to avoid plot holes and problems the writers of this epic decided to make nearly everybody dead. This also keeps the payroll down I’m sure and makes catering easier, unless, of course you hire zombies. But in this case, based on the acting, we’re pretty sure they hired your average, run of the mill, dead. We’re not sure why Mick Jagger let Keith Richards act in this but we’re sure he had his reasons. We like pirates, and think everyone should see this, yo ho ho ho.
In space, no one can hear you scream. This is because of the vacuum. We know that none of you believe this because you have watched Star Trek and Star Wars and Star Maidens and know all about the noise that ships make when they swoosh by you. We can only hope to be around when you learn differently. What more is there to be said? Except for the very obvious that if it important that no one can hear you scream you first must need a reason to scream. While normally we would suggest the screaming would be because of the horrid nature of most of your
DVD movies, this time it is different. Alien Quadrilogy is the reason. When we first watched Alien we actually went looking for them. They seemed okay, albeit a bit grumpy after long periods of rest. We could not locate them though and in the process were barely able to find our way back here. Luckily for you we were able to stop and ask directions of the Grays who managed to point and probe us in the right spatial coordinate. Talk about screaming. You should already have this series and if you don’t Santa won’t be coming to your house. There’s still time to redeem yourself, sort of, depending on which icon you worship and which date you fail to show up at work on.
Every month it seems like there is another one of these. Maybe they’re just recombining the episodes and no one is noticing. They were all sort of similar to begin with. Star Trek Deep Space Nine - The Complete Seventh Season is yet another offering of the adventures of the crew of the Starship Enterprise. Except in this series they don’t really use the Enterprise and they don’t really go anywhere, until the writers realized that people were getting bored watching characters go round and round and round in that space station and gave them a ship. In these episodes we get the ship, although it’s still not the Enterprise. At least this is the last batch of these we should have to deal with. After showing promise this show slipped into mediocrity and these last 28 episodes reflect that like a spent spooze canister spinning towards a sun. We know you trukkers or tricksters or whatever you call yourselves will be hoping to find this under the tree instead of those replacement Spock ears while the rest of you will most likely be wondering, like we do, why so many of your holidays involve the bringing of dead or dying things into your houses?
Look, we actually managed to keep one out of the disintegrator. And what a save! Izcer Reborn is, quite simply, a classic holiday tale. Here’s how the whole thing plays out. Nagisa is the main character. He’s an average high school student on an Earth overrun by alien monsters. We’ll wait while you read that last sentence again. Iczer 3, on the other hand, is the youngest member of a race of fighting robot girls sworn to protect humanity. We are sure you see the obvious seasonal overtones here. Together, they’re a combat team with spunk, style and charm. To make everything even more interesting there's an invading army of killer shape-shifters. What more could you ask for? This dvd contains episodes one through six.