Review by the Damnaliens
We have been studying your seasonal effective disorders and we have come to a number of surprising conclusions. Unfortunately the sharing of them violates any number of galactic laws and we are in trouble enough already. We shall store them, along with the cures for hiccups, idiocy and boredom in the black box under the mothership. When you are ready we will be sure to let you have it.
Let us turn instead to an even more troubling subject—the lack of good things on DVD's. We are used to just tossing a couple of shovel fulls into the converted transmolecular de-intergerator and waiting to watch the three or four good ones that rose to the top during the sorting. Lately we’ve been dumping boxfuls in and not getting much in return. We’d like to tell you about all the ones that did not make the cut but we’re not really sure what happens to them. The TDI is a device that we’re not very familiar with having had to leave the homeworld rather quickly and missing mothership class that day. To top it off Klargg traded the mothership manual for a mint set of Crawling Eye lobby cards so now we have no reference at all although we do have some spiffy new bulkhead coverings.
not quite sure where to fit Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 5.
Is it a new release? Is it a classic? Is it TV? And to top it off we’re pretty
sure there’s not even much of a market for a guy in a space station with his
robots making fun of movies. We know how serious you are about your movies and
this, we think, is dangerous ground. We watched just to get an idea. It never
happened so we stopped. We assume there is a market for this kind of thing
although we don’t think we’ve hovered over one yet and we’ve hovered over a lot
of places. We think you’ll stop too and return once more to places where all the
crap you so readily produce will be looked at in a more serious, stentorian way
now, just in time for the holiday season comes The Nightmare Before Christmas
(Special Edition). (You know we don’t make any of this up don’t you?) We’re
not quite sure what holiday they were shooting for but we’re pretty sure they
missed by quite a bit. This is a cartoon, excuse us, an animated feature about
the guy who runs Halloween wanting to get better press and then taking over
Christmas. We know this sounds like a dumb concept but you have a particular
knack for turning these dumb ideas into fairly fun flicks. This is exactly what
you’ve done with this one so, rush out and get it. The holiday’s fast approach
and you wouldn’t want to be left with nothing to watch like you were the last
Humaners produce so much stuff that it has become beyond us to keep track.
Perhaps we have already elucidated you about this release and perhaps we have
not. With the way your memories work it probably won’t be a problem anyway.
Stargate Sg-1 Season 6 Boxed Set is another release about this
transportation device you have discovered. First you talked about it on HBO and
then on one of your commercially run and politically owned networks and then on
the prisoners in space and giant bug network. Regardless of what means you are
using to document what you are doing with this alien technology you are
certainly not shy about showcasing your ineptness. It is a wonder you have not
managed to make another moon lifeless. Um, never mind about the moon thing and
pay attention to the exploits of your military as they scour the galaxy
searching for ways to end the dominance of the nasty ruling powers who can not
be trusted with the technology they have developed. See the military go from
planet to planet trying to muster up support from other races for this war of
‘get them because they are coming for us”. The us in this case being you. You
know, the more we describe this show the more familiar it sounds. Perhaps you
have done it before in a different format. Lots of battles, lots of explosions
a great deal of angst without much real results. Always fascinating to watch.
much as we enjoy our big mumblers we have come to the understanding that life is
more than giant mumbling robots alone. This is why we were so excited when we
discovered Transformers Season 3 Part 2/Season 4. Here we thought was the
answer to our dreams. But no, somehow the giant bots got religion and that
changed everything. Since when did the act of self-sacrifice become a repetitive
thing? Reduces the effectiveness of the gesture, no? The last time we checked
you only live twice, except, of course for the inhabitants of Martinioo 7. But
then it’s hard to tell if they are really dead, even if they are shaken and
stirred. Ah well, we know the mumblers are out there and we will continue on our
quest to find them.