May 2004
© 2004 Ernest Lilley / SFRevu
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Damnaliens DVD Review by the Damnaliens
Want a second opinion? We suggest - Ernest

Recent Releases / Classics / SFTV / Anime

You probably did not know this but during the month of May you will produce 1,132 DVDs. Most of them will not be worth whatever it is you cut down in order to make them. This was not so in your past. You used to make more quality efforts. Trust us, we have been there. One can not dwell in the past however. Unless, of course, you have a Mark VI mothership, a black hole kit and the instruction manual for the navigation console. But we digress. How, you may ask, do we know that you made one thousand one hundred and thirty two DVD's in the month of May? Because we had to look at every single one of them! And even with that effort we could not find enough to write about. You simply must make more better DVD's! And do so by June or we will be forced to devote a section to the art of cheerleader films or even sink so low as to simply make things up!

Recent Releases

We were wondering when you would finally get around to combining your two most favorite pastimes: Horror and Ballet. Dracula - Pages from a Virgin's Diary takes the immortal story of lust and love and puts it to music. We do not think you have ever seen Dracula until you see him prance across the stage in his tutu. Actually we thought this was a pretty interesting concept and we are waiting for you to combine your to other favorite pastimes; bowling and rugby.

We find it amazing that you think that just by adding a new feature you have created a whole new entity, Frankenstein you know was nothing more than the sum of his parts in the end. The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King (Widescreen Edition) (2003) is a perfect example of this. While we could not get a copy to actually see since we are evidently on the black list of the place that makes these dvdís, we remember enough from the movie to get by. This is the same movie that was shown in the theaters. If we remember correctly, it is about hobos and their journey to some fountain where they hope to find snack foods; ring dings we believe. Do they succeed? Does the king return? Does he bring anything to eat? Youíll have to wait for the extended explanatory edition to find out for sure.

What do you think would happen if Elvis and JFK were actually alive? Do you think the Egyptians were the original cowboys? Bubba Ho-Tep (Limited Collector's Edition) (2002), has these answers and much more. Conspiracy theorists amongst you will undoubtedly know the location of the rest home where JFK and Elvis reside but will you also know the location of the renegade Egyptian Cowboy Soul Sucking Mummy? We thought not. Fun, in your weird kind of Earther way.


You are a people in conflict and ineptness. Even your dvd titles are nothing more than signs of your struggle for description and sensation. Blood of the Zombie (1961), done by the same folks who brought you Monster and the Stripper, is the perfect example of this as everyone knows that Zombies, being dead, have no blood. In this one a woman raises a stinking corpse to do her bidding. As the flick unfolds you come to realize that this is nothing more than an allegory for all of the other bad choices she has made and the film goes on to delve into the inner workings of the human psyche as it relates to the conflict between innate belief and made knowledge. No, we pull your legs. This is nothing more than a shambling husk flick with little action and bad dialogue. We know you will love it.


The truth is out there, or so you believe. Actually we think these episodes of The X-Files, The Complete 9th Season (2002) were done after the truth had already been passed over. Honestly, we found the entire premise a bit hard to take. Why you people want to believe that pretty much everyone is lying to you is beyond us. There is nothing out there, trust us. Weíve been there. We fly through it all the time. Itís empty. But you wonít believe us.

Someone told us this was not science fiction but we think that any series that contains mummies, robot spiders, evil geniuses and fantastic weapons qualifies. Jonny Quest - The Complete First Season (1964) captures the 26 episodes of the first season. We liked it and we thought the animation to be not bad as well. Mostly though we found ourselves grooving to the soundtrack. We could probably have done without the dog but you people seem to like to put cute animals in your productions.

Finally a future that is not horrible. Granted it is full of morons and imbeciles but we guess you cannot have everything. The Jetsons - The Complete First Season (1962) captures your thoughts on the future in an animated fashion. Flying cars, picture phones, robots (donít mention this to Klaarg) and many other devices abound. Now if we could only figure out whether the people got so stupid because of the devices or if they needed the devices because someone dropped a dumb bomb.


Weíre going to try to avoid robot things for a while until we can figure out a way to trick Klaarg into getting into the realignimator. This robot fixation of his has just become too much. Why only yesterday we had to whisk him out of Home Depot after he became convinced that the self check out aisles were nothing more than a plot devised by Robby the Robotís friend Sandy the Simulacrum. Weíre not even sure what Klaarg was doing in Home Depot to begin with but itís a good thing we managed to get him out in time. Weíve been watching lots of the rabbit cartoons and noticing how many of you have wanted to imitate this style. Invader ZIM - Doom Doom Doom (Vol. 1) (2001) attempts this. The story involves an alien, Zim, from the planet Irk who is trying to take Earth over. Zim is thwarted in his attempts by Dib, a human child who is somehow aware of the plot. Neither Zim, his robot sidekick, Gir, seem able to outthink Dib and his sister, Gaz. Itís not bad for a series that consists of people with three letter names.

© 2004 Ernest Lilley / SFRevu
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