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Blu-ray & DVD Reviews- 09/2005  Next Month / Last Month
by Charles Mohapel
Send your Shiny Disks to: c/o SFRevu, 16440 Baden Westwood Rd, Brandywine, MD 20613

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Widescreen Edition) by (Buena Vista Home Video 13 September, 2005 / $29.99) - Let us see. Is this DVD based on a book, a radio show, a television series or the screenplay cobbled together by the creator? We are guessing the television series since the music was exactly the same and the plot pretty much wobbled from one scene to the next so the creator could get his goofy idea of the universe in front of you just like the television series did but with less grace, less time and better special effects. Die hard towel heads will no doubt love this. But then they probably loved those long showers after gym class as well. The rest of you will scratch various body locations and say 'huh?' This might actually be the response the creator wanted but he is dead now so only a few of you can legitimately find out. We liked the planet building shop although there were major errors in celestial mechanics, which we don't have the time to go into. Klaarg undoubtedly would tell you about the spaceship problems but he could not watch it because of the robot. For a short movie it felt really long. We hope there is not a sequel or another remake although you are probably already working on both.  Netflix / IMDB

Battlestar Galactica - Season One (2004) by (Universal Studios 20 September, 2005 / $59.98) - Oh my, what are you thinking. Here you have a perfectly good b-rated television series from the past, full of horrible special effects with bad acting and terrible plots and you decide to remake it in it's own image. Did your species get dropped on its head when it was young? Sure there are differences. The robots now look like humans, and don't think that didn't give Klaarg nightmares, as well as save the studios bundles of money on effects. And you've made a man character a woman (gee how daring can you get). And you've added a great deal of angst so that everyone seems to be on the cusp of a serious breakdown, even if it's over trying to decide what kind of space dressing to have over their space lettuce. Everything else you kept the same. The same wooden acting, the same bad plots, the same idiotic storyline and the same really bad command decisions. Well at least it is on the small box instead of the big screen and it is on your scifi channel which no one watches anyways so we expect this disc to go the way of your dodo.  Netflix / IMDB

Hammer Horror Series (Brides of Dracula / Curse of the Werewolf / Phantom of the Opera (1962) / Paranoiac / Kiss of the Vampire / Nightmare / Night Cr by (Universal Studios Ho 06 September, 2005 / $29.98) - Before you thought about aliens you thought about monsters. Frankly, from our perspective, there's not much difference in the way you think about anything. There is you, and anything that is not you, is bad or evil or misguided or, well, alien. And you all do this and think nothing of then acting on these odd thoughts. There are eight different movies on this DVD, including two that really express your state of mind in this arena, which is 'if you can't find 'em, make 'em or drive one of your own to become 'em.' Note our use of your punctuation in the previous sentence. We have been practicing with idioms and slang which has caused us to become masters of your odd little marks. We liked the hairy one best, although the Frankenstein monster came a close second. Klaarg insisted he recognized pieces from the great robot rampage of '02. Werewolves, vampires, monsters and more all presented in your particular paranoid worldview. We liked this collection although it contains the seeds of your own inevitable DVD failure that has yet to come.  Netflix / IMDB

Robots (Widescreen Edition) by (Twentieth Century Fox Home Video 27 September, 2005 / $29.98) - We sent Klaarg out to do a retuning of the ram scoop condensors knowing it would take him a few hours to figure out how to take the darn things apart and that he could not do it without being able to stop due to the inherent instability of loose warp particles or risk blowing himself and the planet to tiny bits. He's usually pretty good about these things, especially since the Alderaan incident. For our part we think two small moons and a ring system is better than one big moon. We liked this DVD, even if many of the characters reminded us of household appliances. Well, your households, not ours. We liked the walking teapot as well as the pump handle headed one. We laughed at the funny parts and we thought it was all great fun. We have to admit to laughing during the not funny parts as well but that's because we happen to think evil robots are funny and, unlike Klaarg, have never had a problem handling them. You Earthers will probably enjoy this disc so much that you may want to consider buying it or just telling netflix it got lost in the mail. The disc comes with an animated short as well so you get bonus material for your theft.  Netflix / IMDB

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