sfrevu Logo with link to Main Page  
Blu-ray & DVD Reviews- 03/2006  Next Month / Last Month
by Charles Mohapel
Send your Shiny Disks to: c/o SFRevu, 16440 Baden Westwood Rd, Brandywine, MD 20613

Damn Aliens DVD by Steven Sawicki ( / ) - Klaarg has been watching a lot of curling lately. He was wondering if the rocks in curling were related to the one in that shiny disc we looked at last lunar cycle. Apparently not, which is too bad because Klaarg thinks they produce a much more exciting time than the one in that disc did. This brings us to an important announcement. We often scan your digital systems during your mini programs since we have no real interest in replacing the mothership with a Hummer3 (although we really like the name) and we are not plagued, as you evidently are, by all those conditions that need such constant attention. So, during one of our wanderings we happened upon something that we think bears reporting. We believe, and this is based only on our own objective evidence of current conditions, that the programs that you are seeing from the Fox network are actually coming from an alternate universe. We believe that, somehow, the dimensional streams have become crossed and that the show you are watching here actually originates there. We can find no other explanation for the information that comes from the shows they are digitally rendering. We at first thought it was just more humans having fun at other humans expenses but quickly came to realize that these Fox people seem to believe what they are saying. Our advice to you is to pay them no mind. The dimensional rip will ultimately heal and this show will be replaced by the real one. In the mean time you can view shiny discs.  Netflix / IMDB

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Widescreen Two-Disc Deluxe Edition) (Harry Potter 4) by (Warner Home Video 07 March, 2006 / $30.98) - We often wonder about your wizards. To our minds, your wizards are nothing more than a pack of deceitful old men forcing others to do their dirty work by withholding useful information and not fully using the awesome powers at their disposal. We suppose it is the fascination with wizards that keeps so many of you getting caught up in their dirty work. Whether we are talking about the all knowing Jedi who apparently can't figure out what's happening in the room down the hall so they send a boy out to muck about or the collection of wizards here who are doing about the same thing, we find the behavior ignoble. We like to watch anyway because it is so easy to make fun of these wizards and if a few little people get squashed in the process, well, they probably would not have amounted to much anyway. We can say that wizard movies are generally pretty to watch although if you keep your brain on full it hurts. Half speed seems to work fine for us.  Netflix / IMDB

Hercules and the Princess of Troy/Atlas in the Land of the Cyclops/Giants of Rome by Steven Sawicki (Image Entertainment 21 March, 2006 / $19.95) - We occasionally get tired watching stories about your depressing view of the future or your giant robot comedies. So, we turn to something more educational. This time we felt a desire to become better acquainted with your history. Perhaps it was the hours and hours of curling that Klaarg watched during your most recent Olympics. Surprisingly, we find many of the same problems with your histories as we do with your futures. For example, we did not realize that Hercules and Atlas were related. As we watched these documentaries we were struck that they looked exactly the same. We also wondered at the creatures that inhabited your world during this time as we are sure the giant dogs, one eyed giants and huge lizards were from another historical time period. We are also not sure about the language. On the other gripping appendage we did so enjoy the spectacle and the costumes, or lack of them. (We are surmising that perhaps it was climatically warmer then which allowed everyone to run around in those leather skirts in apparent comfort.) Klaarg is thinking of getting one for himself but we wonder at this as he does not have the most attractive of appendages. We will be looking for more of these histories in the near future as we still have many wonderings about this time period and we are trying to figure out how you humans lost the ability to throw large rocks about. It was refreshing however to see that your political systems have not changed so much since then and that you seem to value corruption and abuse of authority as much now as you did then.  Netflix / IMDB

Babylon 5 - The Legend of the Rangers by Steve Sawicki (Warner Home Video 14 March, 2006 / $19.98) - Finally, we find a shiny disc about the future that is not dystopian. Finally we understand why this is such a rarity. This story is set in the same future as your Babylon 5 series, or as it became known in the later renderings: Babble On 5. This disc tells of the Rangers. Unfortunately not the Lone Rangers since these Rangers seem to be everywhere and that is part of the problem. We are not sure who makes decisions in your futures or why you let them continue to do so when so many of the ones they make are so bad. Sure, you make bad decisions now but then you fight about them which, more or less, renders you into a state of apathetic immobility. For instance, why would you have a code about not running away from grave danger? If this were the case you would not know about the grave danger until way too late. That being said (see above) we wondered why, then, you would go and reward one who broke such a code with a secret mission? There are more inconsistencies but we ended up turning off the sound and making up our own dialogue about half way through. We would have liked to turn the thing off but there was a malfunction of the projection device. Ah well, another disc that Blockbuster will not be getting back. Perhaps it is all for the good.  Netflix / IMDB

Armored Trooper Votoms, Stage 1: Uoodo City by (Us Manga Corps Video 07 March, 2006 / $34.98) - We must quote from the box, "In the twilight of a galactic war, Armored Trooper pilot Chirico Cuvie is caught in an illegal mission against his own army when he accidentally witnesses the birth of a top-secret genetic super-soldier. Now a fugitive, Chirico is driven into the criminal haven called Uoodo City!" First we want to know how someone gets caught in an illegal mission against his own army. It's not like getting caught sneaking out for ice cream at the corner quick mart. Second, how do these well publicized criminal havens stay in existence? Aren't the authorities paying attention? Apparently not which would also explain how this shiny disc slipped free. We watched this while Klaarg was out gathering snacks and we are sorry we did. He buys terrible snacks.  Netflix / IMDB

King Kong (2-Disc Widescreen Special Edition) by Ss (Universal 28 March, 2006 / $30.98) - Hey, we like monkeys as well as the next extraterrestrial but we draw the line at some of the things you do to them. We are not sure how this monkey got to be so big or who, exactly, elected him King or why they would then let their King just be carted off like that. We are also not sure why this monkey would be so fascinated with the small, blonde woman. Sure she could scream with the best of them but other than that she had no redeeming traits. And, we are sad to say yet again, you are not just recreating something but recreating a recreation. Please, stop. Imagination is one of the requirements for Galactic Presence and you are squandering what small chance you have by this odd behavior. Could you not have made a movie about a giant pig that rooted in the bay area of San Francisco instead? We are sure there are many cinematic possibilities there. In fact, we can think of any number of giant creatures that could have been brought to any number of places with more interesting consequences. And where were the parents of this Kong to let him be dragged so unceremoniously away? In fact, there was not another relative in sight during the entire movie. Perhaps they wanted him to be taken away so they could usurp the crown? This is possible because we have heard that many of your human traits came from this species and you do seem to have the same fixation with that hair color.  Netflix / IMDB

Return to Index

Send your Shiny Disks to: c/o SFRevu, 16440 Baden Westwood Rd, Brandywine, MD 20613

© 2002-SFRevu

advertising index / info
Our advertisers make Gumshoe possible, and your consideration is appreciated.

Our Other Pubs:

Do You SFRevu? Thousands of Intelligent Beings Do Every Month

Gumshoe Review - a literary investigation.

© 2002-SFRevu