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Blu-ray & DVD Reviews- 12/2004  Next Month / Last Month
by Charles Mohapel
Send your Shiny Disks to: c/o SFRevu, 16440 Baden Westwood Rd, Brandywine, MD 20613

Damnalien DVDs by Steven Sawicki (as told to by the Damnaliens) (SFRevu 12/15/04 / ) - From the Aliens: The only thing more confusing than your earthling holiday rituals is what you put on the DVDs you release each month. Your human representative (Steven Sawicki) has tried to help us understand but frankly we find wormhole navigation makes more sense. Still, we're happy to give you the benefit of our advanced knowledge as you try to pick out shiny disks for holiday watching... (see review)  Netflix / IMDB

The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition) by (New Line Home Entertainment 14 December, 2004 / $39.99) - If there is one thing wrong with you third worlders it is that you think more of the same is the same as more and that more different is different in itself. Let us show you what we mean. The Lord Of The Rings - The Return Of The King (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition), The Lord Of The Rings - The Motion Picture Trilogy (Special Extended DVD Edition), The Lord Of The Rings - The Return Of The King (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition Collector's Gift Set). Is one not enough? If not, then which one is the best? If it is not one then what are you about? Do you have no vision? Is not film a vision? A singular vision? Told one time in one way? We leave you with these questions, which you can ponder over the 4 to 9 hours it takes to actually watch one of these.  Netflix / IMDB

Godzilla x Mothra x MechaGodzilla: Tokyo SOS by (King 08 December, 2003 / $36.99) - It is about time someone thought to do something about the Tokyo problem. We were ecstatic to get this DVD only to discover that it was a classic case of mislabeling. Godzilla - Tokyo S.O.S. is not about Tokyo being saved but about it being destroyed once again. Godzilla is joined by Mecha-Godzilla and three Mothras. Tokyo has no hope. They can?t stop Godzilla, they forgot where the off switch for Mecha-Godzilla is and they?ll never make enough bug spray in time for it to do any good.  Netflix / IMDB

Flesh Eating Mothers by (Image Entertainment 14 December, 2004 / $19.99) - It?s cold and flu season so you should all be careful about trying not to pick up any viruses. A group of moms in the Midwest were not careful and the results are shockingly presented in this documentary titled; Flesh Eating Mothers. The story begins as a group of young lads goes about their lives quite innocently unaware that their moms have contracted the deadly disease. But their innocence is short lived (is this not always the case?) and they soon discover that mom has developed a terrible hunger during the time that the lads were away at school?a hunger for the neighbors and we aren?t talking desperate housewife hunger here but the kind that starts with a sharp knife and ends with a burp.  Netflix / IMDB

I, Robot (Widescreen Edition) by (Fox Home Entertainme 14 December, 2004 / $29.98) - We sent Klaarg out for tasty snacks and then scurried to slot I, Robot into the player. It was a good thing we did, for this DVD is full of robots. We were expecting a documentary on Ophthalmology and the tiny nanites they use for cornea scrubbing. We got something completely different. We are not sure who this fellow was going on about the three rules but we should tell you now there are more than three. This may explain why the robots in the film caused so much trouble. If you only have three rules you can expect great difficulties. Why, any less than 26 rules is asking for problems. Perhaps we should send Klaarg down to straighten them out (See Alex Lightman's I, Robot review in our August 2004 issue). (see review)  Netflix / IMDB

King Arthur (Unrated Widescreen Director's Cut) by (Buena Vista Home Vid 21 December, 2004 / $29.99) - As with everything else you are not content with your own history and are constantly mucking with it. King Arthur is an excellent example of this as you pretty much change everything. When you do this are you hoping that your inadequate education system will enable you to slip this kind of slack jawed presentation past the masses who will think it?s really true? If you are simply going for entertainment then why don?t you just create something new? Doing it this way, it seems to us, simply upsets those who already know the story and does nothing to satisfy those who don?t. You are indeed a funny people and we don?t mean funny ha-ha.  Netflix / IMDB

Doctor Who - Lost in Time Collection of Rare Episodes - The William Hartnell Years and the Patrick Troughton Years by (BBC 02 November, 2004 / $49.98) - As another example that you will watch anything so long as it is packaged so that you think it?s new, we watched Doctor Who - Lost In Time Collection Of Rare Episodes - The William Hartnell Years And The Patrick Troughton Years. Well, what is there to say about a collection of bits and pieces? If you are a completist and enjoy getting only the audio track of the third episode of a 5 part series or think being able to see episode 4 of a 12 part series is the cats pajamas then you should rush right out and get this. If, on the other hand, you believe that marketing ploys such as this are simply another way to rehash the past without putting any energy into the effort then you should probably hold out for a few more years.  Netflix / IMDB

Lost in Space Seasons 1-2 by ( 14 December, 2004 / $159.94) - Klaarg is very troubled. He knew better than to actually watch Lost In Space Seasons 1-2, but we could not keep him away from the box. He kept wanting to know why the kindly Dr. Smith did not just destroy the evil robot and be done with it so we had to explain to him the vagaries of series television. He still did not understand. Of course, being a navigator he thinks in a particularly funny fashion and we don?t mean funny ha-ha.  Netflix / IMDB

Lady Death - The Motion Picture by (A.D. Vision 05 October, 2004 / $29.98) - We love anime simply for the plots. We think it makes great and amusing reading. The fact that these things actually get made is a whole other kettle of amusement. Lady Death - The Motion Picture is about Hope, the beautiful daughter (Does not your people believe in ugly daughters?) of a mercenary who is really Satan. Believe it or not, she is accused of consorting with the Devil and burned at the stake. While she?s cooking she makes a deal with the dark prince (is any of this making sense to any of you yet?) and chooses everlasting agony in Hell over her current fate. Once there she goes against her deal (can you do that?) and is miraculously transformed into Lady Death (how this happens is a bit unclear.) Sad to say it?s downhill from there.  Netflix / IMDB

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