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Blu-ray & DVD Reviews- 02/2005  Next Month / Last Month
by Charles Mohapel
Send your Shiny Disks to: c/o SFRevu, 16440 Baden Westwood Rd, Brandywine, MD 20613

American Astronaut by (Facets Video 22 February, 2005 / $24.95) - According to the box, "Space is a lonely town" and Venus needs men. This film tells the story of the struggles of a lone astronaut as he attempts, in grainy black and white, to bring himself to the man-starved women of Venus. How these women, who evidently have no men, became man-starved in the first place is one of those things that only you third worlders would be comfortable with. Of course the journey would be nothing without a dastardly villain from the past giving chase and so, there he is. Perhaps, in the final scenes, the villain will become irradiated with space vampirism and be forced to goodness. We'll never tell.  Netflix / IMDB

Angel - Season Five by (Fox Home Entertainme 15 February, 2005 / $59.98) - In a world where black is white, up is down, good is bad and vampires are the victims comes the shiny DVD that contains the fifth season of Angel, the spinoff television series from Buffy. We don't understand why you Earthers create evil beings and then feel bad for doing so, so you make them good. Why not spare yourselves all the aggravation and just make them good in the first place. We know, we know, you believe that if such a world as the vampire lives in, can be turned topsy turvey then surely your own existence is just moments away from such change itself. We liked the demons although we're not sure why, if there are so many of them, no one really knows they exist. Let us be realistic here. You humans believe in Yeti's and Bigfeet without physical evidence and here these demons are buying gum at the 7-11 and no one knows they exist?  Netflix / IMDB

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen by (Columbia/Tristar Studios 01 March, 2005 / $14.94) - This is a fine example of what happens when the vampires don't do their job. This Gilliam fellow needed a good bite or two on the neck to rein him in. What was he thinking? Or, perhaps he was following that old Earther tradition of not. We thought at first that Klaarg had somehow managed to switch the features for the feature. He so loves to watch the special bits that are on the discs. But we checked and no, indeed, what we were laboring through was the film itself. Why do you do this to yourselves? We know you care nothing for other creatures and most of your fellows but surely you do not put yourselves through this on purpose? Perhaps you do and it is just one more thing we will have to unravel before we leave, which, at the rate you are giving us things to unravel will be a long, long time.  Netflix / IMDB

Andromina:Pleasure Planet by (Koch Vision Entertai 11 January, 2005 / $9.98) - We looked and looked and looked for this planet but could not find it. This is because we think the three fighter pilots who last visited it were so befuddled by the friendliness of the natives that they simply forgot where they were. This is bad news for all the rest of you who may wish to visit the planet in the future as you will be left to fumbling about in the darkness of space all alone. You really need to take more care when you make these documentaries.  Netflix / IMDB

Ator by (Pro-Active Entertain 01 March, 2005 / $4.99) - Have you not learned that running around with sharp objects while wearing nothing more than a loincloth is bad for you? It is all too easy to lose a digit or, if you are particularly clumsy, an entire set of them. Never mind that you are exposing most of yourself to the elements and you are not that hardy a species to begin with. Well, at least Klaarg was happy as there was nary a robot in sight. Sorcerers, evil wizards, mad barbarians, and various other singular unwashed horde types but nary a metal machine to be had. This is not to say that Klaarg liked it, just that he found he could watch it all the way through, although why he did is another story entirely. The plot seemed to match the clothing allowance and we fear someone must have hit all these people in the head just prior to filming for it is the only thing that explains the logic holes they ignore.  Netflix / IMDB

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