sfrevu Logo with link to Main Page  
Blu-ray & DVD Reviews- 07/2005  Next Month / Last Month
by Charles Mohapel
Send your Shiny Disks to: c/o SFRevu, 16440 Baden Westwood Rd, Brandywine, MD 20613

Constantine (2-Disc Deluxe Edition with Comic Book) by (Warner Home Video 19 July, 2005 / $30.99) - July must be angel and demon month. We think that Keanu did this film while in the Matrix which would explain why his character is so similar. He hunts demons, he hunts angels, and he goes out a lot at night. Why do angels and demons not come out in the day? It would make things a whole lot easier for us who have to sit and later watch their exploits. And what ever happened to plotting? Sure this is based on a comic book but even they have plots, albeit often silly ones. Do directors think that if they only put in enough serious sounding dialogue and flashy explosions no one will notice that they are not telling a story? And enough with the dark scenes. Night is for sleeping and crawly things that you'd rather not hear about. There's some religion in this as well although no politics which is good so it doesn't come under constitutional mandate. We liked the monsters more than Keanu but, then, we usually do.  Netflix / IMDB

Alien 3000 by (Lions Gate 05 July, 2005 / $26.98) - Klaarg got this one because he figured with 3000 aliens he was sure to spot someone he knew. This DVD features Lorenzo Lamas, a really poorly constructed alien, no story whatsoever except that people keep wandering into very dark places so they can be killed although it's really hard to make out exactly what is happening and maybe they're just fleeing the scene because they finally realized what a stinker they were involved in and the basic idea that it takes a crazy person to catch an alien. Look, we've been dealing with these types of people for millennium and we can tell you for sure that it is just not true. You can't catch us. You don't have the technology. And as long as you think that some alien visitor is going to spend 20 years skulking in a cave and doing little else you will never have the technology. Klaarg was very disappointed and it took two visits to the crunchy mart to placate him.  Netflix / IMDB

Fantastic Four - The Complete Animated Series by (Buena Vista Home Vid 05 July, 2005 / $49.99) - Just in time for the release of the big screen blockbuster comes this release of the animated version. We understand that this is the better choice as it is more true to the origin story. We liked the flame guy best because we think this would be a neat thing to do. With cloaking technology anyone can turn invisible and we have shields as well so the utility of the girl was kind of lost on us. Likewise the rock guy seems like a waste of DNA. There are much larger and denser beings on heavy gravity planets. Not that you really want to spend time with them. Heavy gravity does not a pleasant being make for some reason. Stretchy was interesting but seemed not as smart as he is supposed to be. You Earthers often do that, make smart people dumb so they don't ruin your plots. Your villains are always falling into this hole. Shouldn't you just make better plots? We liked this group and if we lived in New York we'd always make sure to carry hot dogs and marshmallows just in case the flame guy came around.  Netflix / IMDB

Blood Angels by (Universal Studios Ho 22 March, 2005 / $27.98) - We had to choose between this one and the Sexy Adventures of Van Helsing and we think we chose wrong. The story follows a young, innocent, pure, attractive, woman who moves from a clean yet boring non-urban area to New York City to live with her sister. Her sister works at a bar, hangs out with other beautiful women and is a vampire. While you would think this is plot heaven it's not. For some reason the director decides to just follow these women as they work at the bar, take their clothes off to shower and eat. There needed to be more dancing on the bar and flaming shots in this DVD to hold our attention. We didn't see any angels and we watched this twice just to be sure.  Netflix / IMDB

It Came From Somewhere Else by (Umvd/Visual Entertai 07 June, 2005 / $14.99) - Finally, we stumble across some truth in advertising. The PR for this DVD says that the film should never have been released, that it is too intense for children and dogs and is preposterous, ridiculous and patronizing all at the same time. After more than a decade of watching this very thing but without begin told about it in advance, we were culturally refreshed. This is the story of kung fu experts from outer space who come to a small town to farm. The farm is near the Canadian border so we're not really sure how anyone would have noticed but that's all part of the charm. There's spontaneous combustion for no apparent reason, teenagers trying to save the day, and plot holes the size of Glell Nab Tor. The acting is bad and so is the editing, principle photography, directing, sound and gaffing. However, since our copy still had the security device enclosed we were pretty ecstatic. What can we say, you have to see this for yourself to believe it. Just don't say we didn't warn you.  Netflix / IMDB

Return to Index

Send your Shiny Disks to: c/o SFRevu, 16440 Baden Westwood Rd, Brandywine, MD 20613

© 2002-SFRevu

advertising index / info
Our advertisers make Gumshoe possible, and your consideration is appreciated.

Our Other Pubs:

Do You SFRevu? Thousands of Intelligent Beings Do Every Month

Gumshoe Review - a literary investigation.

© 2002-SFRevu