by Steven Sawicki (as told to by the Damnaliens)
SFRevu Column ISBN/ITEM#: 0412DADVD
Date: 12/15/04 / Show Official Info /
It is evidently time to wreck the halls with jingly bells, give a bow to holly and jump on joy. We, of course, will refrain from all of these customs as we are a superior species and no longer have the need to retain a connection with our barbaric past. We do find it curious, however, that so many of your holidays involve death and destruction. Of course much of what you do involves death and destruction so perhaps it is not that unusual. Many races go through this phase. None that we know of have survived it, of course, but that is another dumpling for the fire. We were able to spend a great deal of time this past holiday watching you kill large birds as well as the other white meat, although we wonder where this saying came from since birds have dark meat as well and you rarely hear anyone speaking of the other dark meat. We are looking forward to your new year in hopes that you will be producing new DVDs. Surely by now you are tired of watching the same old stuff over and over and will be moved to create something refreshing and exciting. Feel free, though, to leave out the robots. Klaarg is in therapy but it?s not going so well. Seems that as a podling he was terrorized by a vat deslimitizer and so he sublimated his inherent transgressional motivations. Sounds like gobbledy gook to us.
We would like to take this time to wish you all a merry happy and to remind you that there is plenty of time to send presents. Please do not feel constricted by time or place. Dates are relative so we hope you will be encouraged to buy regardless of what day it is. We?d like to remind you of a few more old Earther maxims; ?It is better to give than receive?, ?A present for our thoughts?, ?There is no present like the one you give to an alien,? and ?The true sign of a superior species lies in the gifts they give to visitors.? Merry Christmahanzikwanica to all and to all a good night.