Damn Aliens DVD
by Steve Sawicki (as told to by the Damned Aliens)
We were prepared to begin to tell you some of the secrets that our advanced species uses in the arena of biophysical regeneration but we forgot that Baseball begins today. Baseball, not counting the recent world playoffs or whatever you called it, is one of the best things you do. There is nothing better than hovering over a stadium with the bases loaded in the eight inning and the home team down by two. Well, perhaps slinging comets into gas giants is better but let's keep things on a singular planetary focus. We are somewhat confused that your national past time (even though it is not as well liked as your football, which has the same name as the other football sport even though they are completely different) actually is played in two different ways. The American League has rules that are different from the National League. And how do you explain those Canadian teams? Are they American teams or National teams? Well, I guess the one that was playing home games in Puerto Rico could be sort of considered an American team in a protectorate kind of way. But let's get to the meat of the matter. There is perhaps no greater predictor of a species potential for survival than what it does with leftovers. Hot dogs. We love them. We love them plain, we love them covered with mustard and relish (which we believe is really just another bunch of leftover stuff jammed into a jar), and we love them Chicago style. The only thing better than a hot dog on a hot afternoon at the ballpart is two hot dogs at a night game. Why, we remember with fondness the night we watched Barry Bonds stuff a fat...on second thought we had better not tell that story while the investigation is ongoing. And speaking of segues, let's talk about shiny discs.